What Down Syndrome has taught me about Leadership

I was going to create a list of the top ten things that Down Syndrome has taught me about leadership. When I started to create the list, I realized that the final item on the list I had created summarized it all: 

When you help someone who you think is lesser than you, you’ll more than likely find they are greater than you.

In 2002, at around 20 weeks into my 4^thpregnancy, I was told that my baby had either Down Syndrome or hydrocephalus.  I had an amniocentesis to confirm that my son had Down Syndrome.  I cried for four months.  I was worried about my son.  I didn’t think I was capable to raise a child with a disability.  My father’s cousin, who had an adult son with Down Syndrome, told me, “God picked you.”  At the time I told God, “Pick somebody else, I can’t do this.”

Now that I know this little boy, who is now 16, I’m so glad God picked me.  God knew exactly what he was doing.  Why did I even question Him?  He did pick me, and He gave me such a tremendous gift.  

This experience of raising a child with Down Syndrome not only impacted my personal life, but it also enhanced my work life. I have discovered as a leader that I have been called to service.  Service has always been difficult for me because like many people, I tend to focus on myself.  I love to talk, and I’ve struggled to listen.  To let others rely on me has been difficult.  I know that my son was sent to me to teach me the gift of service.

When I learn to shut up and listen and focus on others, I find that in those moments I have been able to really help people.  All of the other things that I’ve learned from Down Syndrome culminate into the lesson of service to others. This service to others has made me realize that my own growth can only happen by lifting others up.  So, in helping my son, he has helped me.  I realize that every day I need to be more like him.  He holds the key to life, to leadership, to basic human kindness.  Every day that I was going into work to lead a group of people, my son was honing me to be a better leader.  He did this through these key behaviors:

1. My son has great talents.  His love for people is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in this world.  He hugs strangers in the grocery store.  At times it frightens me, and then I think, who am I to stop it?  He’s safe with my vigilant watch over him, and I have to tell myself, that the person he just hugged probably needed that hug today.  
   • As a leader, every person that I have ever managed had talent.  Sometimes it was misplaced, but that was part of my role in helping that person find where their talent was best utilized.  It wasn’t always an easy role.  Sometimes it took lots of discussion and listening to help that employee discover where their passion should take them.
2. My son is so kind.  He treats everyone the same.  He truly loves everyone.  If someone is mean to him today, he’s forgotten it tomorrow.   
   • There is no room for anything but kindness.  Kindness builds stronger teams.  It allows people to grow and develop because they are not afraid to ask questions, and to show their vulnerabilities.  It allows everyone on the team to lift up everyone else.
3. Thinking differently opens new opportunities.  My son has an artistic ability.  No one ever told him he couldn’t draw.  He just draws freely.  
   • Creativity at work happens when we allow employees to be their creative selves. If we let everyone release their talent without micromanaging them, we allow innovation to happen.  We should encourage thinking differently, and as leaders we need to enable people, not constrain them.
4. Down Syndrome allows my son to see the world in a humorous fashion.  He doesn’t see the world problems.  He just sees that we should laugh at ourselves.  
   • We often take ourselves too seriously.  I saw that at work we often took the work so seriously, that we forgot to laugh.  In laughing, and enjoying each other’s company, we build relationships that forge a better work life.  These relationships build efficiencies in getting excellent work accomplished.
5. Life is precious.  Every life is precious.  My son’s life is precious and has great purpose.  I can’t imagine my life without him.  Our community would be less joyful without him.
   • Those people you work with have a family.  They also have their struggles just like you do.  I often think we are so consumed by our own struggles that we aren’t listening to those around us and their struggles.  I found many leaders that were so into their career and their movement upward that they forgot the people who worked for them. The employees were the people who were creating the product that was making the company money.  Focusing on people and making the employees the number one concern, will always produce a better product.  There were people I worked with who were considered great success stories.  They had the perfect diplomas from the most prestigious schools.  They were in powerful positions in a great company, and yet, if I were their mother, I’d be ashamed of the way they treated people. I often felt sorry for these leaders because they missed out on the greatest part of leadership, the employees.

Never forget the human side of work. Employees have shared with me some extremely difficult situations in their personal lives.  I’ve had employees tell me they had cancer, a newly diagnosed auto-immune disease,  children who were giving them great challenges, and many other tough situations.  In these moments of pure humanness in leadership, it made me recognize we’re all in this life together.  We are all connected, and sometimes people just need a hug, and it’s sometimes okay to do even at work.  

The greatest leadership lessons of my life, I’ve learned from the people I was sent to serve.

Copyright 2019 Beyond the General LLC.

Jeanette Kurnik is CEO of Beyond the General LLC.  She has 34 years of automotive controls engineering experience and is an advocate for women in engineering.